Monday, August 24, 2015

I'm Still Alive!

Hey everyone ~

If you're been worried that I'm dead in a ditch, or that the Mormon Danites tracked me down, relax. I'm alive and fine, just toiling away on my computer almost nonstop.

I've been really busy lately, thanks to many things, including working to get I Fucked the Mormons ready for all of you. In fact, working on my latest book has consumed so much of my time that I've been pretty absent from Twitter and Facebook lately, so apologies for people who've been looking for my funny posts.

My next book should be my best one yet -- at least that's what I think in my very biased opinion. I've definitely worked harder on it and am going to continue toiling away on it until things are up to my ever-so-lofty expectations.

Hopefully soon I'll have good news and a publication date. Until then, everyone keep spreading the good word of Bailey.



Monday, August 10, 2015

Check Out My Next Book's Cover!

As you can see, I've been hard at work on my next book, called I Fucked The Mormons. It's another memoir-style book like my first two, but this one touches more on my life after leaving the Mormon church, including my work spreading my own story around.

I hope you like the cover, it's symbolic in a way that should be pretty obvious. It likely will be tweaked a little before publication, but my full intent is to use this design on the finished book, once the manuscript is ready as well.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Mormon Church "Transparency"

I've been busy toiling away on my upcoming book, I Fucked the Mormons, but I just read something that really got me going. I saw this article in the Huffington Post about how the Mormon church just snapped some nice little photos of a "seer stone" that Joseph Smith used to supposedly translate the Book of Mormon.

I guess it's a nice article, if you don't know much of anything about Mormonism. It talks about how the Mormon church is finally opening up and becoming more transparent in an effort to dispel some of the mystery surrounding its founding, etc. That sounds nice, but it's complete and utter bullshit.

Allow me to explain.

First off, the church says that it always had the little stone in its possession, but until now it didn't do anything publicly with it. That's an interesting fact, and you could go ahead and believe the explanation that it's been revealed in an attempt to "come clean" about some things. The thing is that the Huffington Post article reads too much like a press release from the church, lacking any real journalism. For example, there's zero mention of how Joseph Smith used the seer stone. He put it into a hat and then stuck his face in there, which then showed him what to dictate to his scribe. That sounds ridiculous to anyone with a brain, and yet such an important detail (which is readily available to the public - it was even portrayed in South Park) was completely left out.

The article states that there were other methods that Joseph Smith used to "translate" the Book of Mormon. The writer doesn't even bother to mention what those other methods were. One was some ancient spectacles made of stone (you might even call them seer stones) called the Urimm and Thummin (no, really, those were the names - no lie). They were attached to a breastplate that was owned and used by a past prophet who supposedly lived in the ancient Americas and contributed to writing the Book of Mormon.

The author of the article doesn't even mention in passing that the Book of Mormon supposedly was written on plates of pure gold (how that works is a mystery to many). They also don't state that the book was supposedly written in a dead and forgotten language called Reformed Egyptian, which for all intents and purposes appears to be an invention of young Joseph Smith.

So people who don't know much about the church read this article and think, "the Mormons are finally coming clean and opening up." The truth is that they're releasing just a little bit of info to make it appear that way. Most people have no idea that the church has a PR department, let alone that it would give most Fortune 500 companies' PR departments a run for their money. In other words, there's quite a bit of slight of hand going on in the organization. While everyone's wowing over these pictures of a stone, the Mormon church is busy burying some weird-ass and damning facts from the public in general, hoping that nobody notices.

I have to hand it to the Mormon church, after lying for almost two centuries, it's become pretty adept at calling a spade a heart. In this media-soaked modern age, that's not an easy feat, but they've found a way to pull it off, at least to an extent. Of course, lazy journalism and wads of cash make doing that so much easier.

Speaking of wads of cash, if the Mormon church really wants to be transparent it should open up all of its financial records for scrutiny. Of course, it would never do that because such information would be incredibly damning and uncover just how deep the lies and deception run. If it were to do such a thing, many members of the church would turn around and walk away, never to return, realizing that their hard-earned money didn't go to what they'd believed.

That would be incredibly transparent, but the church would never, ever do such a thing. Instead, we get some pictures of a magical stone.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

A Few Jokes About Mormons

Mormons sure can be a touchy bunch. After all, they've got this huge persecution complex thing going on, which is fed into regularly by leaders, literature and regular church visits. They're fighting the sins of the world constantly, because the rest of us are going to pin them to the floor and make them drink beer and coffee at the same damn time!

Needless to say, many Mormons really get offended when I poke fun at their religion. They're sick of hearing about their magic underwear and the prophet with his face in a hat. Well, I say fuck that. I'm posting some great jokes about Mormons just to prove that I don't care if Mormons have a stick shoved so far up their ass that they think it's their backbone.

Enjoy, everyone!

Monday, July 20, 2015

The Mormon Church is Out of the Adoption Business... Sort of

So this happened a while ago, and I was going to blog about it way back then, but life got crazy and I fell off the horse with my blog. Here I am playing some catchup, because this is an issue that likely slipped right past some of you, but I think it's important to note.

The Mormon church has bowed out of the adoption business, starting way back in March of 2015. At least it appears it has... kind of. Confused? I'll explain.

Back in March there were some news stories about how the church was handing off its adoption procedures to You can read about it on (which is owned by the church) by clicking here. It seemed like a harmless thing to so many people, and to others like a curious move.

One thing you need to understand about the Mormon church, if you don't already know it, is that the leadership is actually pretty crafty. They saw the writing on the wall about gay marriage and made a strategic move to get out of the adoption business before they faced a legal showdown when it came to permitting legally gay couples to adopt children. Of course this doesn't avoid other potentially troubled legal battles relating to BYU and other church entities, but LDS Family Services likely would have faced some immediate consequences after the Supreme Court decision.

If you didn't read the article, the gist is that the church is going to front the $199 monthly fee on for Mormon couples who meet certain criteria (i.e. do what the church wants). It might seem like a nice thing to do, considering that the organization suddenly stopped handling adoptions. The thing is there's more going on than the article lets on, which is so typical for KSL.

First off, the Mormon church has been in danger because of fathers of babies who have been adopted out by the religious organization say they weren't included in the decision process. According to the fathers, they were told different things to keep them out of the process, or just plain weren't told about the adoption plans until things were finalized. As you can probably guess, the fathers weren't married to the mothers, so I'm sure that the church thought it was doing some good by getting the babies into worthy households where people wear funny underwear and hang on every word uttered by some old white guy with big ears. The thing is that those kinds of activities don't go over so well anymore, so that was making the whole LDS Family Services adoption thing kind of a problem.

Second off, the move distances the church from any discriminatory practices when it comes to adoption and gay married couples. does accommodate gay couples, something the church simply wouldn't do.

Interestingly enough, the thing that some say finally killed the Mormon church's involvement in the adoption business was its "business model." While that's a horrible term for anything having to do with adoption, that's how the church ran things. It saw young, unwed mothers as baby-making resources, the babies as capital and the adoptive parents are consumers. The organization became really good at convincing the single mothers that they couldn't raise a child and that they absolutely would feel great that their kid was being raised by faithful Mormons instead of by a sinner like them. Well, attitudes have changed and less girls were falling for the bullshit, so the church is hopping out of the game. Add to that the fact that more young girls are taking precautions and not getting pregnant.

On a side note, the parent company for is Elevati, which is based in Rexburg, Idaho. That city is basically all Mormon and is the home of BYU-Idaho. Coincidence? Maybe, but maybe not.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Why Is Utah So Weird?

There's no denying it, Utah's a weird place. Everywhere has its quirks, but the sad truth is that 99% of the weirdness in Utah can be traced back to one source: the Mormon church.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Mormon Bishops and Their Crazy-Ass Opinions

Most people who haven't been Mormon really don't get how the church runs, especially on the local level. In a general area, usually several square miles or so (or in Utah, a single neighborhood) is designated as a stake. You have a stake president and other leaders over it. Then that stake is divided into wards, which are usually a few dozens families. A bishop is the head of the ward.

When I was Mormon, most bishops served for about five years. I knew one poor guy who'd been in the position for nine years straight, but that was unusual. Mormon bishops still work a day job and they put a shit ton of hours into their "calling" so it's a pretty bad gig to get stuck with. I've only known a few people who openly expressed an interest in becoming a bishop. Of those, not a single one who made the cut and became a bishop was a very good or nice one.

Sadly, I had a lot of asshole bishops, ones who had strong opinions on all kinds of crazy-ass topics that your average person would think is no big deal. For example, one bishop I had said that we had to talk to him if we kissed a boy in a car, even if it stopped at just kissing. Another bishop I know would discipline people for just having playing cards in their house. When I was an adult, I had a bishop who was on a crusade against women receiving oral sex from their husbands, because that was totally his business.

On the flip side, I did have a few (very few) cool bishops, like one who would say that he loved having sex with his wife and it wasn't a bad or dirty thing. Or the bishop I had who admitted the best movies were all rated R.

That's the thing with Mormon bishops, some will get on the excommunication wagon because you read your horoscope in the paper, while others will think nothing of someone in their ward buying a six pack of O'Doul's. I wonder how many people have been kicked out of the Mormon church simply because they got a crazy bishop at the wrong moment?

As a Mormon, you're taught that whatever a bishop does is "inspired" - kind of. Sure, they're not "the prophet" who apparently can't lead you astray, but you're still not supposed to question whatever a bishop does as long as he doesn't piss on a painting of Joseph Smith. In fact, I had people tell me that the worst men were made bishop so they'd learn to be better people. The only thing is that since nobody would call bishops on their shit, those men didn't become better. In fact, my observation was that they became even bigger assholes than before, because power corrupts.

I don't miss worrying every time a new bishop was being selected in my ward, wondering if the new guy would start ripping everyone a new one for wearing sandals to church or chewing gum on fast Sunday. Life is much better now.