So today was Groundhog Day. With all of the weird-ass tradition, including ridiculous top hats, some guys held up Punxsutawney Phil and declared that the fat little rodent didn't see its shadow. That somehow makes us all believe that an early spring is coming.
There's one big problem with this whole arrangement: it's complete bullshit. Biologists will tell you that groundhogs are far more intelligent than the asshats that take part in this tradition, which by the way gives groundhogs a bad rap.
You see, the ol' Phil doesn't really predict a damn thing. Instead, that work is done by the same people who tell you it isn't going to rain on the weekend, only for it to fucking pour! Yes, I'm talking about meteorologists, the group of scientists who brag if their accuracy rating is like 3%.
So there you have it, Groundhog Day is a sham and it doesn't predict a fucking thing. I think we should change the tradition to where we cram the meterologists in a hole, make them come out and shit their pants at seeing their shadows. Then if they don't predict if there will be an early spring or not, we publicly humiliate them for the next year.
The whole thing reminds me of bullshit religions, like Mormonism. It's a completely ridiculous facade, yet there are some naive individuals who actually think that's how things are. Meanwhile some men behind a curtain make guesses and are wrong 95% of the time. There are those who realize what a stupid scam the whole thing is, but they're just too attached to the tradition to really do anything about it.
Both are such a stupid bullshit scam, but sadly neither Groundhog Day or religion is going anywhere anytime soon.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
People were shocked when the Mormon church recently announced the children who live in a household with a same-sex couple can't be blessed or baptized. While it's not very likely children in such positions would be wanting to join the organization, people have felt outrage at the principle of the decision.
With the huge PR fallout that has been ongoing, Mormons have been doing exactly as they're trained: taking to social media and trying to spin the shit out of this policy. The most popular narrative, one that the church itself has been using, is that the policy has been put into place to protect the children.
Won't someone think of the children?!
Seriously, they say that by banning children who have gay parents from joining the church, it actually protects the children. I know, your first reaction is that it keeps those kids from joining a bullshit church and having dogma shoved down their throat, but the real argument is that it keeps the kiddos from hearing one thing at church and another thing at home. Obviously, none of these people heard their dad cussing up a storm while fixing the car, because that creates the exact same scenario.
This argument that it's all about keeping the kids safe is a nice diversion. The reality is it's all about keeping the church's finances safe. More specifically, the policy exists to keep the members' butts in the pews and the cash from tithing, fast offerings, etc. flowing in.
The key to why this policy exists is to realize that it's the exact same one that's applied to children from polygamous households. That's right, whether you have two mommies, two daddies, or one daddy and five mommies, you can't join the Mormon church until you turn 18. That's not enough, you have to move out of the house and disavow your parents' lifestyle.
You have to wonder what polygamist children and kids from a gay household have in common. Is it that both are living in a "sinful" household as defined by Mormon doctrine? If that were the case, then children whose parents live together but aren't married should be thrown in the same group, but they're not. The only similarity I've been able to find is that they both are products of an alternative form of family.
Mormons most firmly believe that for a kid to not be screwed up, there needs to be one mom and one dad present in the home. The fact is that there are a lot of kids who grow up without one parent. I'm not of the belief that you're doomed in such a situation, but if you read what Mormon leadership has to say on the issue (you can read about it here) it's pretty apparent what they think.
Just think what would happen if kids who have gay parents were to go to church and show everyone, from kids to adults that they aren't fucked up any more than normal people. That would create a huge shift in Mormons' opinions on gay marriage, which would put the leaders in a precarious position. By keeping kids with gay parents out of the church until they're adults and renounce their upbringing, they keep those kids as a scary other, instead of a familiar factor. This is a calculated and sneaky move, one that's covered up with some PR moves that people who are familiar with the church and not brainwashed can see straight through.
So there you have it, people, the whole Mormon policy for kids with homosexual parents is all about reinforcing the narrow agenda of the church. And it's covered up by lies, which the leadership is so proficient at doing.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
When I was a little BYU student I heard about people getting kicked out of the school all the time. The general attitude there was that if you didn't want to follow the rules, there literally was a line of people waiting to take your place.
Why? Because Mormons mistakenly think that BYU is on par with Harvard, Stanford, etc. They're so naive it's actually kind of cute. I'm not saying it's a bad school - no, I went there and know better. But it's not the greatest school out there, not by far.
Anyway, you could get yourself kicked out of BYU in a myriad of ways. Like other schools, performing horribly in your classes would result in probation and then expulsion. It didn't stop there. If you didn't follow the Honor Code you were out, unless you caught the winning touchdown from a few weeks before.
The list of Honor Code violations is long and ridiculous. For example, if you use the bathroom at an apartment/house where members of the opposite sex live, you can get kicked out. If you take a single sip of a Starbucks Frappuccino, you're out. If you don't attend your regular brainwashing, I mean religion classes, you're going to get kicked out.
The most ridiculous reason for getting kicked out of BYU is if a person who's Mormon and going to the school decides to switch religions. If you do, you not only will get yourself kicked out, BYU will zero out of all of your academic credits and you'll be completely fucked. Good luck transferring to another school, because the BYU administration will have set your entire academic career on fire.
It's a fact that Mormon students pay less than others at BYU. The fact that you get subsidized tuition is hung over your head constantly, like you're a bad person who should eat shit and die. So if you decide that you're done with the church, but want to finish out school while at BYU, you have to hide your true convictions.
Most Mormons would be shocked to know how many students at BYU become completely disenchanted with the church. It's a real problem, because they do research while at the school and find out some shocking, disturbing things about their church. They also get a close view of how controlling and abusive the religion truly is. It goes so far as their having to put on a smiley face and continue to attend church each Sunday until they graduate or transfer to another school, otherwise all their college coursework goes up in smoke.
If a person going to another religious school converted to Mormonism, then was kicked out and had all of their credits erased, Mormons would be livid. When stories of this practice hit social media a few weeks ago, Mormons had the attitude that people who leave the church are scum and the students who depart from the religion exist all of this and worse. This policy and the reaction to it perfectly demonstrate how nasty so many Mormons can be, and how ruthless the church as an organization is.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Anyone who knows me by now (and not in the Biblical sense:) is well aware that I call an ace an ace. Pulling punches isn't my thing, and I won't do that when describing the Mormon church or Mormonism in general.
What I'm getting at is that Mormonism is a cult, plain and simple. If that offends you, too fucking bad, and the truth hurts. I could cite all sorts of reasons why it's a cult, but I know I'd be wasting my breath.
Just now, I read something on the Mormon Newsroom Facebook page that just happened to pop up in my news feed. If this doesn't sum up the reasoning of so many Mormons, mainstream and fringe, then I don't know what does:
"Heavenly father plan is for our hapiness in eternity..we must conform so that the lord will bless us with understanding..any hardhearthedness will lead us to dark and gloomy mind"
It was in a thread of people debating the merits of diversity, because Mormons will actually argue that diversity is a negative, or at least that it doesn't matter.
So there you go, Mormons know that they "must conform" to whatever "God" wants for them. That means following the prophet and all he says always, never deviating from what the leadership wants, because after all they'll never lead Mormons astray, ever.
That, my friends, is a cult. Period.
Now I'm dropping the fucking mic.
Monday, October 5, 2015
The Mormon church just dodged a huge bullet. This past weekend three new apostles were named, after President Tommy Monson threw a magical stone in a top hat, shoved his face in there and made something up. Many faithful Mormons and quite a few scholars were certain that this time someone who wasn't white and from North America or Western Europe would be put in office.
Then the names of the three men were read out loud. All three are white and from Utah. Surprise, surprise...
While I thought there was a chance that some diversity would be introduced in a grand PR move, I thought such a move had a slim chance of coming about. After all, Tommy Monson has a wonderful track record since becoming head of the Mormon church of destroying any hint of progress. After all, he was at the wheel during the whole Proposition 8 mess. He's ratcheted up the whole "obedience without thought" talk lately, with others fully supporting his foolishness. The man isn't about progress, he's about oppression. After all, he had a hand in covering up his own son's sexual harassment case.
Instead of dirtying up the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Monson kept the group "white and delightsome" - to quote from the Book of Mormon. If he hadn't, I imagine that a fair amount of faithful Mormons would've complained that he was steering the church into dangerous waters by pandering to political correctness over spiritual qualifications for the jobs. Yes, that's right, they would've said he was engaging in some sort of a religious affirmative action as a way to appeal to the world, which is always portrayed as evil and vile.
All of this lines up with what I've been saying: in the past several years, the Mormon church is actually becoming more dogmatic and dangerous. Anyone who can't see this is either too close to it or is lying to themselves, but it's true. At the same time, unsurprisingly quite a few people have been dropping out because they can't take the level of craziness that's being pushed. I've heard rumors that the church can't keep up with all of the people who have just stopped attending weekly meetings, even though it's directed more and more resources toward doing just that.
The whole shift toward sending boys on missions at 18 now is also designed to stem the flow of people out of the church. Is it going to work? I don't know, but I hope not.
Look at what the church did to Kate Kelly and John Dehlin - nothing's getting better anytime soon. This past General Conference and the naming of three old white guys from Utah is a loud and clear message.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Saturday, September 19, 2015
In just a matter of a few days, maybe only one or two, my next book I Fucked the Mormons will be available. It will unleash a horrible torrent of criticism toward me, toward the Mormon church, toward a random dog walking down the road. No soul shall be spared the wrath of Bailey Jones and her dedicated detractors!
YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
In the spirit of full disclosure, I did just have a few whiskeys and a beer, so that might have slightly affected the writing of this post. Once my book is available on Amazon, I will let everyone know, then proceed to have a few more whiskeys, maybe some rum and pass out on the couch for a day or two.